Monday, March 06, 2006

We Have A Weiner!!!

Like the South of the Border® sign says, "You're always a weiner with Pedro!" That is not the case with Limited Ed., however. There is only one weiner at Limited Ed.'s! And, after several days of tabulating the millions of entries, we have one! And the weiner is... Hiroki Nishiyama!!! Congratulations Hiroki, you correctly stated that Limited Ed. is deathly afraid of clowns. Like Seth so succinctly put it, "you're scared of clowns because you were molested by a gay clown in NY's FAO Schwartz in 1995, while tripping on acid. I know that the clown did all kinds of horrible and humiliating things to you including but not limited to wearing your asshole as a hat. Also, I was that clown. So I share the fear, but my fear is different. I'm afraid of getting my clown cock so tangled up in asshair that I have to remove it with peanut butter. Also a dog ate half my face while I was asleep. Viva la France!" That pretty much sums it up. So, Hiroki, send me your mailing address and I will ship you your prize. Then make sure to check your mailbox on an hourly basis for a tube of goodies from Assault! Design.

Well, today is my 32nd birthday and boy am I excited. With my lifestyle I never expected to live this long. I have always been an adventurer and risk taker, and I figured I would have died in some sort of fiery Zeppelin explosion by now. I mean, I have already broken my back falling off of a motorcycle going seventy miles an hour. I have broken both of my wrists: one snowboarding, the other skateboarding. I have been in several car accidents, including a head-on collision and an accident in which the car I was in spun and rolled several times before winding up upside-down in the woods, suspended above a deep ravine by a single tree branch. I guess you could say that I'm lucky, but would these things happen to a lucky person in the first place? Really I'm just lucky to be alive. Anyway, I thank my lucky stars to be here to celebrate this milestone in my life. Almost half-way to retirement!

De-Li Ci_Boy Sh*t FighterNow onto the good stuff. I got an e-mail from My Plastic Heart today letting me know about some new product that they have in stock. Anne got me the Twilight Mad*L x My Plastic Heart for my birthday. I put it on my nightstand to so I could look at it while lying in bed, but Kallie the Kat kept knocking it down when she would leap into the window sill, so I had to move it to my dresser. Back on subject; MPH has got the new series of Ci-Boys in stock: the Sh*t Fighter Ci-Boys! These cute little marshmellow-man-shaped vinyl figures are based on characters from the Street Fighter series of video games, one of my all-time favorites. I always liked playing Chun-Li [De-Li Ci-Boy figure pictured, left], not just for her amazingly bouyant bussoms but also for her machine-gun, rapid-fire kicks. I remember the first Street Fighter game that just had Ken and Ryu and you had to punch the buttoms for punch and kick. The harder you punched the button, the harder the character punched or kicked. You would see kids in the arcade jumping up in the air to get more momentum when they came down with their punch. Unfortunately, this led to the destruction of several arcade machines.

Blow-Up DollsNext up, MPH has got the new Blow-Up Doll figures from the new designer toy company Jamungo. These aren't the kind of blow-up dolls most of you are thinking about; the kind you usually see at bachelor parties or at the foot of my bed before I met Anne. These Blow-Up Dolls feature bomb-shaped heads that give them their unique name. They stand 3 3/4" tall and features designs by Ferg, Trevor Van Meter and Kozik. Each figure comes with matching matchsticks. My favorites are the Ghost [pictured, right] and Newk versions. I like these best because I prefer clear and glow-in-the-dark toys when I can get them. Back on the video game tip, these figures remind me of characters from the Mario Bros. games with their explosive heads.

Pocket PorkAnd finally, MPH has teamed-up with Shawn Smith, owner and creator of Shawnimals, to create Pocket Pork [pictured, left]: the plush version of Chinese pot stickers. When I hear the words pocket pork I think of something completely different than plush pot stickers, but then I have been known to sleep with blow-up dolls. Each Pocket Pork take-out box is signed and numbered, and comes packed with three Pocket Porks, a button and a sticker. There are 100 total boxes available, and five different Porks in the series: Standard Sticker, Veggie Sticker, Spicy Sticker, Stealth Sticker and an undisclosed uber-rare chase variety. These are the perfect thing to keep in your pocket when you find yourself confronted by a gay clown while tripping on acid at FAO Schwartz in New York City. I'm not sure why, but trust me, it works.

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