Tuesday, September 19, 2006

Happy Birthday Seth!

Seth on the set of Shock Act
Today is my brother Seth's birthday! He is 31 years old today! So, in celebration of that, I am going to find 31 things that I think he would appreciate for his birthday! 31 is not really a historic landmark in terms of birthdays. Thirty is the big one, the one where you realize you aren't a kid anymore. You must put away childish things and become an adult. But 31, not that special. The next big one isn't until 40. Which reminds me of a bit by Patton Oswalt, who I saw on September 10th at the Comedians of Comedy show at the Cat's Cradle in Carrboro. He was talking about how there are about 21 birthdays that should be celebrated, the rest are no big deal. The first nine, of course, because you are a kid and should have birthday parties. Ten, of course, because you are entering double digits. Eleven and twelve are not important, but thirteen is because you are finally a teenager (and you get to have your Bar/Bat Mitzvah). Then the next one is sixteen, because you can drive. Then eighteen, because you can vote and go to war. Then nineteen, because it is your last year as a teenager. Twenty, because anytime you enter a new decade you should celebrate. Twenty-one, for obvious reasons. Then you don't celebrate again until thirty. Then forty, fifty, sixty, etc. until you get to ninety. If you live that long, you get to start celebrating every birthday again, because you don't know how many more you will have. Also, laws stop applying to you after you reach ninety. At ninety-five, you are allowed to steal anything you can carry. At one hundred, you are allowed to kill anyone, as long as you don't use a weapon. If you can kill someone with your bare hands at one hundred, no jury in the country can convict you. And if you are killed by a one hundred year old person, then basically you deserve to die. Anyway, now that I have recounted Patton's entire bit, I will get onto the Limited Ed. items for Seth.

Alife Everybody Flood   Alife Everybody Low Argyle
First off, I know Seth wants a new pair of kicks for his birthday. So, in honor of his birthday, Alife has revealed their new Fall 2006 Footwear Collection. According to their e-mail, "This season's footwear has been completely rebuilt from the outsole to the upper. Hand-made in Brasil, features include natural gum rubber proprietary outsoles, premium material uppers, contoured footbeds and full leather linings." They are featuring the Everybody Flood sneaker [pictured above, left], an Everybody High sneaker re-interpreted for the rainy season with a gusseted tongue, a rubber toe cap and a splash guard that wraps around the entire shoe. They also have the new Everybody Low Mini Argyle sneaker [pictured above, right] available. These kicks would look good with a pair of golf knickers, some argyle socks, an argyle sweater, and a Kangol. Alife sneakers are available at the Alife Rivington Club at 158 Rivington Street in New York.

Canada Goose Black ParkaWinter will be coming soon, and along with Winter comes cold. And what is better in the cold than a phat goose down jacket? According to Sold Out, the specialist of extreme cold weather outerwear is Canada Goose. They have been manufacturing outerwear in Canada for 45 years (older than Seth). Sold Out is selling the Canada Goose Black Parka [pictured above] through their website for a mere €539.00 or $683.03! Pricey! (Canada Goose jackets are about half-price if you get them on this side of the Atlantic)

Turd in a BoxNextly, Seth, and everyone else for that matter, would greatly appreciate the thought and care that goes into a Turd in a Box [pictured above] for a birthday present. Who doesn't love turds in boxes? I know I sure do! The nice thing about a turd in a box is that it is such a cheap gift. Only a few British Pounds and it is yours... or whoever's you want to send it to.

Well, if you count the sneakers, knickers, socks, sweater, Kangol, goose down jacket, and turd in a box, that's seven items so far. I just need to find twenty-four more things for Seth in the next twenty-four hours or Jack Bauer will explode! Wish me luck. And while you are at it, wish Seth a Happy Birthday!


Setholonius said...

but it would be pretty easy even for a one-hundred year old man to kill an infant. Anyone can kill an infant. All you have to do is throw them really high in the air and RUN!!! The parents won't chase you because they're too busy trying to catch the baby. And then it falls apart in their hands if you throw it high enough. If it bounces they get to take that many steps toward you and then throw it at you. If you get hit you get a letter. First one to S-P-U-D has to go through the spanking machine. Which is only fun when Aysha spanks you. Ummm... I lost my train of thought. It's my birthday. I'm drunk at work!

Limited Ed. said...

Yo Seth, do you really believe a one hundred year old man could throw an infant? Have you ever seen a one hundred year old man? They shit their pants and can barely walk. I'd be surprised if a one hundred year old man could even hold a baby. Now, if you want to play some Spud, I'm down with that. As long as Shade doesn't play, he always cheats!