Samberger

I ran into Andy Samberg at Loteria at the Farmer's Market today. He is soooooo much cuter in person than he is on the TV. I had to walk by him when he was at the water cooler and grab some water to get a closer look. He ain't a big feller, but I bet he can squeeeeeeeal real perty. Next time I see him, I'm gonna make him take off that itty bitty shirt... and them itty bitty panties.

Just kidding... I had my way with him right there in the middle of all the market stalls. It was good, too. Real nice and quick, like a cat. Then he wiped off the blood and was gone. What a shame. Oh well, you never know who you are going to run into in this town.

Also, if anyone out there actually believes any of this, other than the fact that I ran into Andy Samberg at Loteria, damn y'all is gullible. He isn't even really that cute.

Awlsum!

I just had an awlsum day. Not only did I get to go see the semifinals of the World Baseball Classic between the United States and Japan, where Japan crushed the US and Seth hurled random Japanese phrases like "I want to eat your baby" at the throngs of Nipponese fans while chugging excessively expensive and large plastic cups full of what would normally be cheap beer (I got a little tipsy myself), but I also got to go to the party for the last episode of Eastbound & Down at Happy Endings where I pulled my usual "Alec the Joke Killer" routine with Patton Oswalt. Luckily, Anne was there to back me up. We were discussing the many advantages and disadvantages of mustaches with Mr. Juice Jr., who has a magnificent waxed and curled mustache and is a rocket scientist, when I mentioned that I had a similar mustache a few years back and it was not at all good for my sex life. Patton said that was a little too much information, to which Anne replied, "next he'll start talking about his daddy issues," which made Patton crack up. Then he slinked off to his table to get away from me and grab some food. It was great. Also in attendance, of course, was Danny McBride, Jody Hill, Ben Best, and Andrew Daly from Eastbound. I even saw Aziz Ansari from Scrubs, I Love You, Man and Parks and Recreation hanging out, but didn't get a chance to kill a joke with him. Maybe next time. Anyway, I gotta' get back to living the LA lifestyle. Catch y'all bitches later!

Holy Ass Cracklins!

I am drunk! Damn! Anne and I went out to Lucky Strikes on Highland and Hollywood tonight to celebrate St. Patty's day and that meant tequila shots and bowling. The best combination of events that could ever coincide with a major Irish holiday. I love those green bastards. I was the big weener at bowling tonight, scoring a combined 232 in my two games. That is pretty good with how much I had to drink. I am glad we walked, cuz I barely remember the walk back. We took Yucca to avoid the weirdos on Hollywood Blvd. and ran into the band Wolf Motherfucker(sp?) on the sidewalk and told them to go get late-night eats at Los Burritos on Hollywood. They seemed cool. I think I passed out on the toilet for a few minutes when we got back. I can't believe that I am coherent enough to type this right now. The bed was spinning a little too much for me to sleep, so I thought I should get up and write a new post, since it has been about twelve years and shit since my last one. Oh yeah, did I mention I went to Vegas for my birthday last weekend? That shit was awlsum! We hit the tables with Danny McBride, Ben Best, Jody Hill, and Jeff Siebenick from Eastbound & Down fame. Not to mention my very own brother, director of the classic Butterfly Effect III: Revelation and the best blackjack player I know. And of course my lovely and brilliant girlfriend Anne, who put up with my buuuullllshit the whole time. Remember, always leave the table when they change dealers. That is just a sign and shit muthafuga. That, and I should stick to Texas hold 'em and not play blackjack. Shwell, I should probably get going and try to go to sleep and not puke now. I got a big day ahead of me, designing websites and editing reels. I shit on your piss you pillow licking lizard fucks! ROCK HARD AND FUCK THE MAN!!!