Memorial Day Cookout

In honor of Memorial Day, I am having a cookout at my house. And in honor of the cookout, I found some kinda' Limited Ed., definitely hand-made items for cookouts. First of all, I want to settle a little matter of semantics here. Limited Ed. is having a cookout. Meaning things will be cooked outside on a grill. It is not a barbecue, which some people refer to cookouts as, which is actually when you cook a pig for a long time over a low flame 'til all the meat is nice and tender, then you pull the meat and dress it with some type of sauce. Being from North Cackalacky, I prefer the Eastern, vinegar-based barbecue sauce. We will not be having pulled pork, however. Lastly, neither a cookout nor a barbecue should be confused with a picnic. A picnic is when you bring an already prepared meal out somewhere and eat it. No cooking is involved. Sex will probably occur afterwords. That is not the case with a cookout or barbecue. Anyway, enough with semantics, on to the meat. And do I have some nice meat for ya'. If you are going to be grilling some brats, the place to go for 'ems gots to be Wisconsin. And you will find some of the best brats in Wisconsin at the Sheboygan Bratwurst Co. Make mine the sampler pack:



And to go along with da brats, ya' gotta' have some good mustard. Some Black Truffle Mustard would go real nice with them brats.



And at only $65 an ounce, it's a bargain. Now go out and get sunburnt and mosquito-bit like yer sposeda on Memorial Day and eat too much and drink too much beer so ya' feel nice and crappy for work tomorrow in honor of all those who died defending our country. Amen.

Limited Isle

In addition to megachoad Richard Branson, you too could own your very own Limited Ed. private island. Bill Wilkinson is selling this nice, little, 12-acre island 12 miles off the coast of Belize:



Moho Caye could be your "Isla Bonita" as the cheesy e-bay ad reads. And at only 1.9 million dollars it's a steal. Cheaper than most New York apartments, that's for sure. You would have to build a little hut or something, so that would probably bring it up to 2.2 mil. with the cheap local labor. Still cheaper than most New York apartments. And I would rather be on a beautiful tropical island 12 miles off of the coast of Belize than in New York anyway. Of course, I would need some scuba gear and a beautiful Belizian girl to go with the island. So 2.4 mil. Still cheaper than NY.

Well Hung Over

This post is dedicated to the delicious hang-over that I have today thanks to the post-Flicker party last night. I didn't drink liquor, but I did drink a lot of beer and ate really shitty, literally, Mexican food. Here are some Limited Ed. liquor's that will have your little German friend, Herr Liquorshitz, visiting you fer sure. Russia's own jewel, the Limited Ed. drink of the Czar's is this The Jewel of Russia Vodka:



Oh, it looks so tempting, *gag*! Then there's good ol' Jose:

Connoisseurs say this rare limited edition blend [of Reserva de la Familia] is 200 years of the Cuervo family in a bottle.

I say it's instant diarrhea in a bottle. My uncle Dave says, "If you drink the worm, you see God." Yeah, if God lives in the bottom of the toilet. Ugh! I can't look at any more liquor.

Pssst. Check out A Girl's Guide to Geek Guys courtesy of Bifurcated Rivets. Damn that's some funny, geeky stuff!

For Mike

So last night, after the Flicker Film Festival's 50 Feet of Good and Evil (each film maker was given 50 feet of 8mm film and a camera, all edits had to be in camera and the film makers didn't see their films until the festival) which Mike, Drew and Lance all had films in, Mike was all pissed off at me for not having posted at all yesterday. So today I will post twice. First, this post is dedicated to Mike and his continuing lack of transportation.

Limited Ed.'s second favorite car in the whole world, after the 1974 Corvette Stingray convertible, is the 1967 Ford Mustang GT fastback:



It is fast and beautiful, full of piss and vinegar, which kind of makes it hard to get in, what with the smell and all. But he would definitely settle for one of these sick new 2005 Ford Mustang's:



This beauty will be flying off the showroom floor. Definitely Limited Ed. Of course, neither Mike nor I could afford this pretty, pretty baby, so we will just have to admire it from afar (or is that Jafar?).
I'm also partial to the new Lotus Elise and the new Ferrari 612 Scaglietti.

Papa?

This Limited Ed. Jason Siu - Gangster Paradise II - Will:



Action figure produced by Hot Toys reminds Limited Ed. of his Papa, 'cause they got the same name. And they are both large men with goatees who like to wear track suits and gold chains. The only differences are my Pappy ain't a DJ. And he's not black. Not on the outside, at least. His heart is as black as coal, though. And he eats babies in their sleep.

Limited Ed. has already preordered this figure, which is limited to only 200 pieces worldwide, so he will be able to give it to his Dad for father's day this year. Won't that be a great present? Let's watch and see as Limited Ed. gets his ass kicked for giving his Old Man something he could care less about: something that Limited Ed. really bought for himself.

Limited Ed. Spam

Limited Ed. has started getting spam about limited edition crap. That Stewie figure, for example. And this:



I keep seeing commercials for this piece of dreck on late night TV. I'd melt this thing down and use it to make some dope fronts for my grill. Maybe put my name in it, get a little diamond for my incisor. Grrraahhh!

Ouch!

Limited Ed.'s favorite car of all time is the Corvette Stingray. He was trying to find a limited edition version of the Stingray, but all he could find was this Limited Ed. 1978 Corvette Silver Anniversary Indy 500 Pace Car:



Limited Ed. remembers when it first came out. What a sweet ride. Of course Limited Ed. can't afford the $9,700 to pick one up. Plus, it's not a Stingray. The Stingray nameplate was retired in 1976 (maybe 2006 would be a good time to bring it back, huh?). But in 1976 the Corvette Stingray only came in a coupe. 1975 was the last year the Stingray was offered as a convertible. But Limited Ed.'s absolute favorite Corvette Stingray of all time is this:



1974 Corvette Stingray Convertible. Sure it just has a 350 ci, 250 hp engine and not the Big Block 454 that was last offered in '74, but I don't care. The 454 was only offered in a t-top or coupe and Limited Ed. has to have a convertible. And a '74, 'cause that's the year he was born. Now Limited Ed. just has to scrounge up $14,900. Come on, somebody out there has gotta' be able to lend Limited Ed. the money. Come on! Anybody?

Thanks to Spike TV's 52 Favorite Cars of All Time for inspiring my renewed passion for the Stingray (Limited Ed. is also partial to the 1969 Stingray, the year the Stingray nameplate returned to the Corvette, and the original 1963 Sting Ray).

TV Addiction

I am here today to reveal the dangers of TV addiction! Every year millions of people fall prey to this deadly menace. Just look at this evidence of how TV addiction has infiltrated other aspects of everyday life. This Limited Ed. LG Electronics TV Refrigerator for example:

The 26-cubic-foot side-by-side model refrigerator features a cable-ready, 13-1/2-inch television screen, FM radio, two speakers and a television tuner. It also includes an automatic icemaker and tall water dispenser and comes in a titanium finish.

Available in June for just $3,200! Limited Ed. can't afford not to have at least two of these. Then, when you're in the bathroom (maybe feeding another addiction, or just puking after a night of binge drinking) and your TV addiction kicks in you got this Limited Ed. Seura TV Mirror:

This cleaver mirror offers a discreet and elegant way to bring information and entertainment into your personal spaces without clutter or disruption. When the television is off, the front is all mirror. When the power is on, the LCD displays a crisp image on the lower section of the mirror.

Available now for $2,700 to $5,400 depending on how much coke you want to be able to do off of it.

Thanks to DannyLipford.com | Danny's Articles for the info.

Time To Be Bad

Well, Limited Ed. found a new toy for y'all. This First Edition Family Guy's Stewie Griffin figure.



Here's the info:

With an IQ of over 180 and a maniacal plot to take over the world, the Family Guy’s Stewie Griffin is one of the most clever and controversial characters ever created.

And now Stewie and all his evil genius can be yours with
“Time To Be Bad”—the first-ever Stewie collector figure!

A must-have edition for fans of the hit TV show, created by Seth MacFarlane, this exciting market first is available exclusively from Hamilton. What’s more, “Time To Be Bad” is officially authorized by 20th Century Fox.

Demand for this new Family Guy first edition is expected to be strong, so don’t delay and miss out on this monumental collecting opportunity!

Buy now and be among the first to receive a First Edition "Time To Be Bad" collector figure.

Limited Ed. is too tired to made any cute or funny comments about this crappy looking toy. He's definitely not buying it, though.

Transportation For Mike

I have been thinking some more about Mike's transportation problem, and I think I have it figured out. This Limited Ed. 40th Anniversary Chrome Kyosho Mini-Z Mad Force 1:28 Scale Monster Truck:



This is transportation that he could probably afford. Now all he has to do is figure out a way to shrink himself down to 1:28 scale and get someone to use the controller to drive him to work. Or maybe just shrink the controller down also, I mean, if he is going to shrink himself down anyway. Aw hell, Chewbacca, that would never work, hell.

Z-Z-Z-Zips!

I know this isn't really a Limited Ed. item, but there are only a few of them, and they are only located in a handfull of cities (Beantown, New Jerk, Dirty Jersey, the District of Crime, and lovely Chapel Hill, North Cackalacka), and I think it is hilarious that Chapel Thrill is one of them. Who knew? For $5 an hour or $55 a day you can drive around in a VW Bug or Mini Cooper owned and operated by Zipcar. I wonder if that includes insurance, 'cause Limited Ed. is a lousy driver, especially when he's drunk. And he's usually drunk. If only Mike weren't moving out to Hillsborough, he could really use this with his lack of transportation and all.

Thanks to Josh Rubin, Cool Hunter for the info.

Knights In White Pen?

Limited Ed. has gotten a little bored with toys (for right now, don't worry y'all, I'm sure it won't last long), so he decided to go digging for shtuff. And what did he find? This Limited Ed. Montegrappa 2004 The White Knights Fountain Pen:



Pretty sweet, huh? It makes me think of that song by the Moody Blues:

Knights in white satin,
Never reaching the end,
Letters I've written,
Never meaning to send,
'Cause I love you,
Whoa, I love you!

Now I am going to go cry in a corner.

No More Piggies

Alright, I couldn't look at that damn pig anymore, especially after playing Manhunt with Ryan all afternoon. So I figured I would let y'all in on this sweet extremely Limited Ed. Mad Capsule Market Special 12" Black Cybone by Medicom Toys. Sounds dirty, doesn't it? Like something you might see in Jenna Jameson's ass. It's actually a pre-order for a new action figure on Ningyoushi's website.



Limited Ed. already pre-ordered his, so he felt it was alright to let everyone he knows know about it. Not that any of them can actually afford it or are willing (or even want) to buy it.

Squeel Like A Pig!

Here piggy, piggy, piggy! Suuuuuuueeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!! I love this extremely Limited Ed. (there are only 4 in the world, only available at Kidrobot toy store) Manhunt's Piggsy Rockstar Games Promotional Figure:



'Cause I'm from North Cackalacka where if ya' spend too much time in the mountains someone might try to make you squeel like a pig. Take off that itty-bitty shirt, and them itty-bitty panties. Here comes Bubba!

Tribeca Pics

Here are some pics from the Tribeca Film Festival. Click on the pic to see a bigger version, and prepare to be jealous. The guy in the camel-colored sports coat and blue shirt is my brother Seth.






It was a lot of fun. There was a lot of free liquor. It was a whirlwind of excitement, I barely remember anything. It's all a blur now.

Helmut "Nudey" Newton Swatch

All y'all who know Limited Ed. know that he is partial to naked chicks. He likes titties, he likes big butts. And he likes this 2001 Limited Ed. Helmut Newton (in collaboration with philanthropist Henry Buhl) Swatch:



Here's the info:

Helmut Newton Swatch Online Auction

It all started from the word "Sold" at Sotheby's in New York, on December 3rd 2001, where Swatch auctioned off 27 unique lots, raising USD 800'000 for charity.

A particular lot called "My Swatch", which included a once-in-a-lifetime chance to design a Swatch watch, went to the highest bidder that night - philanthropist Henry Buhl.

The artistic collaboration of Henry Buhl and the Swatch design team resulted in the birth of a priceless Swatch created by Helmut Newton, one of the acclaimed photographers' last artistic efforts. Only 100 pieces were ever created using his famous photograph entitled California Finger Nails Hollywood, 1981, with one piece soon to be auctioned online at www.swatch.com/helmutnewton.

All proceeds going to benefit the Association of Community Employment Programs from the Homeless, an organization started by Henry Buhl.

The online auction will begin May 7th at 11am EST (@666), and ends on May 20th at 8pm EST (@041).

The current bid is $5,650.⁰⁰ and the winning bidder is bippie. Bidder bippie, bidder bippie, bidder bippie. Try saying that a hundred and thirty-four times fast.

Back From Tribeca

This seat's for Mac:



Well, I'm back in North Cackalacka after a whirlwind tour of the Tribeca area of NYC (Tribeca, incidentally, stands for Triangle Below Canal for those not in the know), where my brother, Seth Grossman, took home Best Narrative Short Film at the Tribeca Film Festival (founded by Robert DeNiro and Martin Scorsese) for his movie Shock Act. I will put some pictures from the awards ceremony up on this site soon, so all y'all Plebeians can check out the celebrities that I got to hob-nob with. Speaking of knobs, Mac made a request for some interesting items for Limited Ed. to investigate, such as this Baby Jesus Buttplug. There's nothing like having a little Jesus up your ass, now is there. And when you finally pull him out (after a few days, maybe a week), you might need one of these Advanced Toto Neorest Toilet and Bidet Combos. Mac was also looking for some Limited Ed. roach clips, since he probably misplaced his (silly pothead). Well, Mac, I found some hand-made Finger Clips for ya'. There are also these Designer Roach Clips from Cher's Herbal Clips (no relation to the singer, but there is a nice musical selection on the website). That's all for now. I am still exhausted from all the free liquor parties for film makers this weekend. Not to mention Richard's bachelor party at New York Doll's Gentleman's Club, which, after Super Pussy's in the Patpong district of Bangkok, is the worst strip club I have ever been to. But it was still a lot of fun. Seth knows what I'm talking about.

Side Project

Limited Ed. has got himself a little side project. A redneck superhero for the masses. Shortmikeshort had some very encouraging words for the budding artist:

Work can look amateurish for two reasons: A)It was a conscious choice to be simple and childlike. Or B)the Artist can't draw very well.

It seems like the two should look the same in the end result, but there's actually a very subtle and sublime difference.

I think you're B. Sorry.

Thanks, buddy.

Sneakin' Round

Check out these phatty Limited Ed. Fatlace Luxury Trainers by Savier from Lacedup Online. You got to respect the fat laces. And it is pretty cool that they give you a mix CD, stickers and tape with it. And it is all much cheaper than a pair of Gucci Nike Air Force 1s. In fact, these shoes are something that Limited Ed. could afford. So what are they doing on this site? It's probably because they only have the shoe in size seven, so even though Limited Ed. could afford them, he could never fit them on his Sasquatch-sized feet.

Best Sculpture, Ever!

O.K. So it's not really the best sculpture, ever. Really, it is just some silly Scottish bastard and his dog. But it is expensive and Limited Ed. so it qualifies for display. But look at it; I have crapped better sculpture.

You ever looked up under one of them kilts, they ain't got no drawers on under there. You know why? 'Cause sheep can hear a zipper from a mile away. Derp, Derp, Dew!

Wait a minute, that doesn't make any sense.

PANTIEEEEEEEEEES!!!

Here's a little something for all the ladies:

Nashville 15 commemorative Limited Ed. panties. Limited Ed. likes panties. Sometimes he wears panties on his head. Right now he is wearing a pair of panties that he stole from a Japanese school girl on his head. They are pink panties with a picture of Pikachu on them. Sorry, I was rambling a little there. Alrighty then, for those coulropobic chicks out there, these:

Limited Ed. Can't Sleep, Clowns Will Eat Me panties. Panties. Panties. PANTIEEEEEEEEEES!!!

Nerdiest Shoes Ever!

Well, I think Josh Rubin has finally done it. He has turned from cool hunter to nerd hunter. Exhibit A:


These ugly-ass, extremely expensive, Limited Ed. Apple Logo Shoes. Sure Macs are cool. And sneakers are cool. But when you put the two together it does not necessarily equal cool. They look like some old-skool Reebok Classic Ex-O-Fits, but with the Apple logo where the Reebok logo should be. U-G-L-Y! You ain't got no alibi.

The Scent Of Scopitone

Alright, so I am now obsessed* with Scopitones. I couldn't find a Scopitone Jukebox Viewer on e-bay, but I did find this:



Timi Yuro Scopitone produced by Quincy Jones. Now if I can just find something to play it on. Until I do, I can always watch this Scopitone, lovingly titled Sado-Maso by De Giafferi, whoever that is. Sounds queer to me (you know what I'm talking about Mike).

*thanks to Bifurcated Rivets for my new obsession